Coach Dania on "Ways to Beat Overthinking" - B-Beirut LBC SAT

Time For Your "Mind Gym" - Who's Your Hero?

You meet new people all the time, but move closer to some selected few. Some strike you as really outstanding - more like "heroes" who'll save you in some way. Like magnet, they attract you with their most amazing qualities. Then, you find yourself seeking them in every possible way.

When that happens, it reflects something about you. You either want that person to bring out something in you, or you want to be like that other person. It's not only about having them for company. 

Think about your heroes for a moment. What do you appreciate most about each?

This is what you (probably) have missing. You may start modeling that person (with or without conscious attention). You may start wearing their mind. You may start walking in their shoes. They inspire your thoughts & influence actions.

"Your 'inspiring hero' gives you the idea of what you need to become. Your 'ideal hero' helps you become just that & that's only YOU." ~ 3Ds

It has been said that the best helping hand you'll ever find is that at the end of your own arm; and that you can't push anyone up the ladder unless they move their feet frequently upwards.

It, therefore, boils down to using your brain, senses, hands, & feet.... your whole body, if I may say.... to become another hero - even better - & inspire another...

No one WILL do it for you. No one CAN do it for you...

You're a walking magic wand, precious.... You're the best "Hero" there is....

Get moving "Hun":) Wo-ho... Careful where you point that thing :) 

Your #1 fan & Personal Coach

Dania

Time For Your "Mind Gym" - How Do You Face Uncertainty?

Uncertain times come knocking on your door sometimes; and threats to major life components just barge in at other times ...

It's, perhaps, this uncertainty that mostly induces anxiety and distress over what can come next. "How will the future be like?" you wonder.

When what's coming next seems so unsure, and you feel so insecure, you may consider only two options:
- Wait for things to happen and then respond to accommodate. Get stressed in anticipation meanwhile....
- Or keep planning your life as before , do what you're used to doing, and deny that external powerful circumstances may eventually lead you to a dark place.

But wait.... there's a third alternative to go about it. Consider the "waiting time" a chance to do what you never had the time to do before the overwhelming uncertainty barged in. To feel more in control, change anticipation into having plan "A", "B", "C",... Build walls of defense to combat incipient feelings of stress. And affiliate with those facing similar uncertainty, or ask for assistance.

"When excessive uncertainty seems to rule, it's no use to wait, or deny its existence. It's the perfect opportunity to demonstrate resistance" ~3Ds

And then .... with uncertainty comes change. How do you know that this change will be to the worse after all? You may be surprised when you find yourself, eventually, in a better place. Yes, it happens...

Forks in the road teach us how to gallop. Sticks in the wheels teach us how to fly....

Some enjoy and even seek gravity resistance....

Trampolining with you ;) Eeeee-Haaaaa!

Your Personal Coach

Dania

“Back to School”: Parental Tips for a Great Start!

It’s school time again! It’s a time for a lot of preparations; a change to a more organized routine; an exciting time for many kids; and perhaps a stressful period for some parents and even some children. It could be a challenging task, at first, for kids to switch gears from a fun filled vacation to school learning again, but parents can play a major role in getting their children prepared for yet another milestone in their developmental journey. I have addressed several questions many parents have at the start of yet another academic year in an interview for "Parenting Family Magazine". Keep reading if you're interested.

How can parents motivate their kids about school beginning again?

After a long summer vacation, kids need to be “psyched” up to get back in the “zone” of learning and academic achievement. They need to re-adjust to new sleeping times, meals, and, all in all fit back, to a more structured life style. It’s not surprising to find many kids resenting the start of school again. Parents may need to have a planned talk about the benefits of going back to school and bring to the spotlight the good things about schooling. Parents can emphasize to their kids:

-          - Going up one level and becoming closer to being adults.

-          - New learning experiences and knowledge that increases their information tank.

-         -  How their brains are developing and becoming more efficient to analyze and store information.

-          - The privilege they have compared to those who cannot afford a good education.

-         -  Having new teachers and making new friends.

-          - Events to look forward to, like: science fairs, competition, dances or shows, etc…

-         -  Getting organized again (and make setting structures for the new routines more like a game).

-         -  Still having some time to play and have fun in allocated times.

But kids will have less free time. How can parents overcome the kids’ nagging to have “play time”?

It’s true that kids get very restricted with respect to “play time” – which is one of their basic needs - but parents can make the new phase more interesting by engaging their kids in doing things that seem like play whenever there’s a chance. Parents can normalize the “school time” phase as part of life by talking more about the benefits mentioned before. They can, also, get more engaged with their kids and stress things like:

-          - Buying new school goodies with the child (e.g. bag, lunch box, stationery, etc…). Take the child to actually choose and buy the necessities.

-         -  Spread the new school supplies in the child’s working area and make it exciting to use these in variations to initially help kids be back on track as they do their homework.

-          - In the mornings, do a friendly race between them and you, or other siblings on getting ready. Whoever wins gets extra “play time” or other rewards. Make mornings fun.

-          - Dangle the carrot always for “play time” (i.e. specify breaks after finishing up some assignments).

-          - Get them involved in school activities if available, or other outside school activities.

-          - Teach them how to make new friends and participate in dong that by inviting friends over to the house, or other activities.

-          - Stress that there will be short breaks and vacations, in time, to catch up with more free or “play time”; and plan special activities for those periods.

Aren’t school routines boring and restrictive to kids?

Not all routines are bad; and of course kids will complain at first, but deep inside you’ll find them settling down after a somewhat chaotic summers. For children, having a clear routine to follow enables them have structure in their lives; and that in and of itself is beneficial to both parent and child. It helps set a platform of better control and certainty of what’s coming next, without which stress may ensue. Parents, therefore, need to set expectations for the new timing of different activities; and from the beginning be clear on the new seasonal routines, like: meals, bed time, study hours, play hours, activities, and weekend schedules.

How can parents comfort anxious kids about school starting again?

Yes, not all kids are excited about a new school year especially first timers and those with parental attachment issues. It’s all about parents gradually letting go; and kids gradually feeling secure again in a new environment. Children can explicitly state their reluctance to go, or implicitly convey that anxiety (e.g. being tearful, becoming sick with stomach ache or headache). Parents need to:

-         -  Encourage having an open dialogue with their kids and calm their worries by talking it out and giving assurances.

-         -  Ask kids what would help them be more relaxed and secure.

-          - Boost their confidence that they will manage on their own at school.

-         -  Demonstrate actually being there for the kids at promised times both at school and at home until they ease up.

-          - Discuss with kids good things that happened in school upon their return.

Sleep regulation may be the toughest to handle. What are the recommendations for healthy sleep patterns?

It would be ideal for parents to shift the sleeping clock gradually before school starts to avoid any shock to their biological system. During school times, weekends should not be set free of the time restriction. A delay of one hour can be acceptable, but not more or else, the child will have cranky feeling on Mondays. Few tips about that may be:

-          - For younger kids, an hour to unwind and get ready to bed is needed (i.e. to give time to shower, get dressed, bed-time story, etc….).

-         -  Pre-school and elementary students need an average of 12 hours sleep a day.

-          - Teenagers and high-schoolers need an average of 8 hours sleep a day, but end up falling short of that due to assignments and exams.

-          - Keep stressing how mood and academic performance get negatively affected with sleep deprivation.

How involved should parents be with their kids’ finalizing their homework?

Well, that depends on the child’s age. Parents get very involved perhaps till grade 5 after which they need to start letting go gradually. Children need to learn to take initiative and responsibility in doing their own homework without aid. Parents may remain a “point of reference” at all times and only when necessary. Some parents do more harm than good by being over-involved in finalizing their child’s work. Over-involvement results in the child being dependent on others when what the child really needs is to become progressively autonomous and build their confidence. Up until grade seven, parents may need to check on their child’s work daily; after which just the physical presence of the parent can be of great help to monitor progress from a distance. Even if kids become independent in doing their school work, it’s better if parents maintained daily interest and inquired about any challenges, deadlines, and other concerns.

Are there any other tips to make it a great new school year?

School beginning again can be physically and psychologically taxing for parents. Parents can become edgy and overwhelmed by too many preparations. If parents forget to attend to their own needs, they cannot expend the energy required to guide and relax their kids. It’s not about being physically present around the kids. It’s about the quality time spent with those kids. Quality time entails:

-          - Maintain the channel of communication open (avoid dictating orders and advice giving all the time).

-          - Encourage kids to think of solutions for their problems

-         -  Do fun activities even in the confinements of the home.

-          - Show care, love, and praise their good qualities

Simple things like these require a clear mind and a lot of energy. Parents need to make sure to allow themselves the time to relax and “recharge their batteries”. This helps them satisfy their kids’ needs. A stressed out parent results in a stressed out kid. If parents keep boosting the child’s confidence in his/her abilities, the child will definitely succeed as adult. Isn’t that what all parents aspire for their children? 

Time for Your "Mind Gym" - How Do You Face Failure?

Success & failure are flip sides of the same coin. When you succeed, it's like a dream come true. You rejoice. You're thrilled to do more. You're happy.

When you fail, & you do interpret not reaching your dream as "failure", then you become discouraged, sad, & may consider giving up your dream, right?

But what if you re-frame that "failure" into a learning lesson of what does not work. This is what Thomas Edison did as he attempted to invent the light bulb some 10,000 times. Each time it wouldn’t work & he’d try again differently until he finally succeeded!!

Had Edison given up, we wouldn't have enjoyed the luxury of electricity. Same thing goes for whatever you really aspire to do especially tough endeavors. You need to be aggressive at getting it right.

When things don't turn out as you want them to, you certainly need to change your strategy. If you keep doing the same thing in the same way every time, you'll get the same results each time.

So, "If success isn't there when you show up the first time, keep showing up differently till it's there. Eventually it'll get bored of its hiding." ~3Ds

Got the trick? Change your sad mask ... Shrug your shoulders & say "oh, well... I'll try something new"... Better yet, roar when you face a disappointment saying "I'll fare better next time"....

The sky is definitely not the limit to what you can do when the world "failure" ceases to exist in your dictionary!

Some 10,000 reasons can be found for succeeding if you really want to ...

Start counting.... The "hows" are just around the corner….  Yeeee-haaa!! :)

Your Personal Coach

          Dania

Time For Your "Mind Gym" - How Did You Self-Brand So Far?

You most certainly are familiar with different brands (i.e. Apple, Nike, Porsche, Nokia,...). Each was marketed through different means & attracted loyal customers (or not for that matter).

We, humans, similarly market ourselves; Not to customers necessarily, but to other people around us. We create an impression, an image, & a memory; thus, stirring up a specific set of emotions in others at our sight (or even if it was only our name mentioned).

Some people don't give self-branding the conscious effort consumer commodities are given. They are not aware of how they're self-branding, but they are branding themselves, by the minute, anyway.

You may say: "I don't care what other people think", but in the end, you're there living with these very people. I challenge you, now, to consider how you'd like to self-brand (that is if you haven't yet). Ask yourself:

- What do others say is my greatest strength, or outstanding trait?

- How do I stand out from the crowd?

- What is my emotional impact?

- What am I most proud of?

- How would I like to be remembered?

"The emotion we stir in others, the impression we leave... is a brand we achieve. Let's attend to better self-branding. Roll up your sleeve & weave." ~3Ds

Some 7 billion is your target to eventually impress what you preconceive ... Act as if they're all watching...

I can't hear you…. Speak up, buttercup :)

Your Personal Coach

          Dania

Time for Your "Mind Gym" - What Brings You Down?

Feeling up or down is part of your fabric. Your thoughts, behaviors, other people, & surrounding circumstances fuel your going up or down that emotional roller coaster.

Unless you're the depressive type, I am sure you enjoy the more elated states. You see practically everything in rosy glasses. You feel alive.

When you're feeling down, you see only the dark. Even your shadow leaves you. You get less productive. Life makes no sense.

And you may keep fluctuating between the two poles depending on the factors with greater influence (i.e. your thoughts, your behaviors, other people, or surrounding circumstances).

It's okay if you do. It means you're human. But it's not okay to leave yourself in those down states way too long. They wear you out. They bring you totally down.

I always thought: "The only thing I'll ever allow to bring me down is the elevator." ~3Ds

Nothing has the power to keep you in the gutter if you don't allow it. And by no means am I suggesting you live in denial that life gave you a blow.

But it makes a difference if you kept yourself in the low for long. Soon enough, you'll realize the only way out is back up again.

Shoulders up, Chin up, repeat after me:

The only thing I'll ever allow to bring me down is the elevator... or the stairs for that matter :) :)

Hit "REPLAY"!! Make it your new "Mantra" :)

Your Personal Coach

Dania

Time for Your Mind Gym - Are You a Victim or a Victor?

We all face repeated tests on our life journey & oscillate between succeeding and failing at different times. And don't you wish life came with instructions, or map? At least you could get prepared for those tough "drop quizzes" that appear like try-outs measuring your strength, wisdom & the like ....

All that testing can come at a dizzying speed so many times; and you may find yourself facing constant detours & dead ends in that maze. And surely since you're human, you can get discouraged by repeated roadblocks & setbacks....

It can, also, feel as if you're in a boxing match, getting knocked-down - one blow after another. Still, you're never really defeated when you fall until you refuse to get up!

Have you ever noticed that in your head, two voices may compete? One says: rise up & fight back; the other says: let me stop giving a damn!!

Pleaaaase, shut that latter voice up. It wants you to play "victim" when what you really deserve is to be a "victor" of it all....

"Victims surrender responsibility for life to lead the way. Victors, really, pave the way even if they went astray!" ~3Ds

The road to victory is not at all straight. You have a third voice that whispers the right directions. It's called your "gut feeling" & knows the better route....

Turn the volume louder for that! Fine-tune its wave length as you proceed! Turn that volume up, as well, for that self-coach voice yelling: "Fight back!! Fight back!!"

Put your seat-belt on & let the navigation BEGIN!! Steer the wheels!! Turn the music on!! Oh, and don't forget to check: which volume is up again?

Wishing you a victorious ENDING Champ!! :)

Your Personal Coach

          Dania

Your Mind Gym - How is it Like in Your Relationship?

Pick any important relationship in your life & assess. How's it like? It could be rocky, or smooth; filled with turmoil, flat-lining, or flaming with joy.

What do you think makes a difference? If you think hard about it, you'll find that the "smooth" & "flowing with joy" relationships have agreements on core life values you share with the other.

If it's your partner, friend, colleague, parent, sibling, or kid, you're assessing your relationship with, you'll realize that the more you're like each other, the more you like each other.

Still, no two people are alike. And if you focus on your differences, you, surely, head that "rocky" road describing how your relationship is like. Rings a bell in any case?

If you really want to hold on to having them in your life, what are you to do if you were to smoothen the path both of you walk?

Examine the whole package. Acknowledge & accept the differences. Focus on your similarities & bring these to spotlight in your interactions.

"The proper cement building all relationships, is loudly appreciating the commonalities more than drawing attention to the differences." ~3Ds

It's been said that thriving relationships have a ratio of 5 positive interactions to each negative one, usually.

Perhaps it's re-engineering time of how it's like. Think hard. They have abundant material you can use as cement.

Start mixing: a trait here, a behavior there,  dash of love, & sprinkle all with understanding.

Happy "building"....

Happily ever after  J

Your Personal Coach

Dania

Your "Mind Gym" - How Are The News Like?

If you're the type who constantly follows up on TV News, then you're the type who's constantly showered with doses of negativity. By the time you've had enough, you can expect to hear about few good news of "wins" here or there.

Same thing happens if you read the newspaper. Negativity...Negativity... Negativity.... And then finally some good news (perhaps in the sports page). And again by the time you're there, the good News are barely noticed.

Global News eventually have their impact on your own, don't they? Perhaps I am one among many who stopped attending closely to that barrage of negativity. I'd like to pay attention to those News within my reach - the closest of which are my own. Feels familiar?

So many times, our own bad news witness their own barrage as if their flood gates sprung wide open. And we stop paying attention to the good news here or there (just like those global news we get from TV & the Newspaper).

And so often, we receive bad news just when we are rejoicing good ones. Then you "wonder why good news are frequently off-set by bad news shortly after. Think again... it could simply be working the other way round." ~3Ds

It seems that we get programmed to focus on the bad news. These attract our attention more than the good ones; and we grow to give these more time & more energy (just like the TV & the Newspaper). And then, no energy is left to appreciate the good ones. But what if we focus instead that good news are coming after the bad ones?

Does that trigger an "A-HA" moment?

Here's some BREAKING NEWS then: it's all like a game of hide & seek. Good News are here & there.... hiding everywhere.... They're all within your reach.... Of course, you still have to reach ;)

Let's make that our new default setting.... 

Capiche?

Your Personal Coach

          Dania

Your "Mind Gym" - What Makes You Dream?

Yes, you may wonder what makes you have those random dreams as you sleep at night. Most theories around that suggest unconscious processing of information stored in that mysterious brain of yours. You may forget, or remember these when you wake up; and they can affect, or not, the rest of your day.

I'm interested, today, in reminding you of those dreams you orchestrate during your day willingly & through your own imagination: Your "Day Dreams".

The good news about these is that they do remain within your control. Day dreams have more magical power in affecting the rest of your day. You are more aware of these. You do remember these.

How are your day dreams like? Do these fuel the flames of fear and anxiety of the worst possible future scenarios of your current life concerns? Are these a re-play of old distressing scenes in your Oscar winning "My Life Movie" of messed-up events?

Or are these scenarios pleasant enough to take you to "La La Land" on an instant vacation? Re-visit an exciting beautiful memory perhaps? Or a construction of attractive dreams that motivates you into creating your better self? Those you envision as goals with a deadline kind of dreams?

"The day dreams your mind TOYS around with can send you to Heaven, or Hell. Let's PLAY the game of day dreaming a brighter future". ~3Ds

In the present moment: Your conscious mind is the referee of two opposing players: one will lift you higher; the other drowns you lower. Be fair!

Your choice of day dreams is the maestro of the heart-felt music that either nourishes your soul, or sucks-up your life energy. Stand tall!

Your selection of the scenes you play in your mind's eye of that "My Life Movie" will be good or bad entertainment. Be a good Director!

What would you like to live in this very moment? Close your eyes now, and press "PLAY"....              Happy dreaming.... J

Your Personal Coach

          Dania

Your Mind Gym - What Makes You Stretch?

I am not referring to physically stretching here (although it helps to relate to doing that somehow). I'd like you to consider the notion of psychologically stretching yourself to do more, or be more.  It refers to competing with your old self, or beating your past limits.

When as a toddler you started walking, your firm steps increased in increments till falling down took place less often. Same thing happened to most endeavors you put your mind to.

Gradual baby steps towards big achievements are the key, usually, to making things happen. You can't expect to do 500 sit-ups, nor can you swim 50 laps straight the first time. You build your tolerance & skill progressively.

This brings me to the idea of what makes you stretch. To me, it's either persistence, patience, or both. Persistence characterizes more appealing outcomes. It enables you to keep taking action even when your motivation wanes. Patience helps you endure a less attractive process. It helps you endure discomfort knowing there's a greater reward at the end of the process. You build both through practice.

If you stay focused on your final goal, you'll be surprised at how far you can go when you just stretch slowly and willingly. In life, we're faced with situations that coerce us into doing that, right?

And "To those who complain physical exercise is torture: Compare it to having to exercise your patience. Piece of cake, ha?" ~ 3Ds

Go on... Willingly stretch.... Build your capabilities by choice....

Let your heart-beat drum louder at how close you are to your ultimatum....

Oh, I hear you.... :)

Your Personal Coach

     Dania       

Time for Your "Mind Gym" - How Do You Use Your Shell?

No, I am not basing the above question on the mere assumption that you have a shell to start with. You do have a shell you often hide in on your own, retreat to in tough times, or coil up in and prepare to reboot your system.

It is that private space that you seek; the personal bubble you protect. It is transparent to the ordinary eye, but becomes quite obvious with excessive use.

Your shell can be as hard and impermeable as that of a turtle. When threatened, the turtle totally withdraws inside. It is a natural defense mechanism to be safe rendering it, indeed, much protected.

You can create your shell in your mind's eye and become more aware of it. Observe the patterns... When do you go in there most?

Do you notice that you're in "hiding" most of the time? ALERT!! No movement; no progress. No progress; no life fulfillment.

Do you notice retreating occasionally to take a break? GOOD!! That's normal. Careful the kind of thoughts you bring inside that shell with the rest of you though. Consider it solitude time in there (& that is quite different from hosting your worst demons every time). In there, you have no other company, so be a good one.

And "the reason why some people enjoy spending some time alone is because they're never really lonely. They have their own most interesting company". ~3Ds

After that time-out, you'll go: "Phew, inspiring talk... Can we meet more often? I love you" :)

Your Personal Coach

    Dania

Are You Often Criticized?

If you’re often criticized, then that’s good. It means you’re moving, you’re actually doing something, & you’re surrounded by people. Well perhaps not the most encouraging people, but criticism gives you information (about you, or about them).

How do you receive that criticism? Do you get infuriated? Hurt? Or perhaps bitter? Lash out in defense? Or do you really listen before responding & assess if there is any kernel of truth to what’s been said?

You would be really lucky if you were criticized by well-meaning others. This is more like feedback that helps you grow. Even if criticism came with malicious intent, it can point to areas you need to work on, so never discount what’s been said. You’ll hear a lot of truths that describe you from both friend & foe.

Now, what if you were often criticized by someone just for the sake of it? This is when it tells more about them. Some people are programmed to think in terms of “contrast”. They can’t help but jump to consider the alternative that’s not working. Others, feel so “low” deep inside that, to them, the only way to feel “high” (better) is to bring others down. Just accept this truth: it’s more about them & draw your boundaries.

All are conveying something to you, so listen with your heart. And remember: “The brighter your light, the more you’ll attract both moths & butterflies. You’d put the moths in captivity if you focus on the butterflies’ activity”.

Wouldn’t you rather hear more words of acknowledgement instead? Let’s face it! Most people are stingy on “praise”; abundant in criticism…

Let’s start a new wave. Praise more often. Make others feel good & see how good YOU, in turn, will feel… Notice the good & highlight it. Wouldn’t you rather be a butterfly….?

I’m starting a “butterfly effect” now…. YOU ROCK!….

Did you hear that? All hail J

Your Personal Coach

     Dania 

The Working Mothers' Syndrome

Is it the first time you hear about the "working mothers' syndrome"? It's probably new to many. I'll explain about it below and give you some answers to frequently asked questions. The “Working Mothers’ Syndrome” is the frustration and its consequences experienced by working mothers who have to joggle between the multiple demands dictated by being a mother and having a career. It results in many negative physical and mental signs that exert their toll on the mothers’ daily functioning. Parenting is already a 24 hours job, so adding to it an external job with more working hours surely adds more stressors to handle. Being a parent and having a career at the same time results in conflicting demands that most parents (both fathers and mothers) have to accommodate for. Since ancient times, society handed down the parenting responsibility mainly to mothers; hence, those mothers who have a career usually carry a heavier load in making all ends meet. The working mothers’ syndrome afflicts mainly high achieving, driven, and ambitious women who want to perfect it all. These women multi-task well; and assume a conscientious responsibility in both roles (at home and on the job). This, however, does not come without a price. Their bodies, eventually, yell to take a break from all the commotion by giving them various signals to slow down.

How does the “Working Mothers’ Syndrome” manifest itself?

Usually it is detected by signs of chronic fatigue (adrenal fatigue) especially if the mother has to work long working hours on the job. She wakes up too tired to go to work and is drained already when she comes back home to continue running errands for the house and the kids. If the kids are very young, her duties are physically more taxing; and this makes the fatigue more pronounced sometimes resulting in burn-out. With excessive and continuous stress, her immunity is diminished and this renders her more susceptible to diseases. Sugar cravings to boost up her energy levels are very common; and depressive mood swings attack often. This is all topped up with overwhelming “guilt” feeling on having to miss out responding, in time, to the conflicting demands necessitated by each role. Stress levels keep rising and her coping mechanism to accommodate to the demands of both the job and the house dwindle with time. This puts the working mother at a high risk of serious chronic diseases (e.g. cholesterol problems, diabetes, heart conditions, etc….).

Does the “Working Mothers’ Syndrome” differ in the Arab culture from that of the Western societies?

The “Working Mothers’ Syndrome” is quite prevalent around the world, as the division of gender roles has existed globally for a long time. The man is expected to be the “bread earner” and the woman is expected to attend to the family’s other needs mainly as a “caretaker”. Such expectations have put women under pressure if they aspired to deviate from the norm of being only a caretaker in the house. To pursue a career that either adds to the family income, or to merely enhance her self-worth, the working mother faces a big challenge in proving she can accommodate to all. The division of gender roles is more defined in the Arab culture, at a time when many women are picking up on the trend of establishing themselves outside the family context in line with Western societies. With fewer Arab men being open to assume household responsibilities to help – unlike the Western societies - Arab career seeking mothers are challenged even more to balance their lives with the added career role.

How can the working mother control the stressful effects on her personally?

A working mother needs to be clear that she wears several hats a day to suit the multiple roles she is involved in (a mother, a career woman, a wife, a daughter, a sister, etc...). The “super mom” notion is a heavy burden, as it is never too easy to balance it all – let alone perfect all roles. If she belonged to the “sandwiched generation” (i.e. being torn in responsibilities around aging parents and growing kids), having a career to top it up is even more taxing. She needs to be realistic that she cannot satisfy all ends impeccably. She already does too much. A working mother needs to intermittently recharge her batteries and de-stress by engaging in self-enhancing activities. This is the only way to remain sane, as giving, and productive. With no strength to hold it all, how else can she keep things together?

How can the working mother protect her children from the negative effects of the Syndrome?

As I mentioned, a working mother is already stressed out from handling too much. Many times that boiling stress spills over in dealing with the kids especially upon returning home from the job to carry on with her motherly duties. Having not seen their mom most of the day, the kids (especially at a younger age) become so clingy and demanding. They become like a shadow following their mom around the house. The mother is advised to create some space - before meeting her kids – to engage in some deep breathing exercise and shift her focus from “job mode” to that of the “house mode”. By giving her kids quality time, the working mother, by far, can make up for her absence compared to a stay-home mom who is just physically around. She needs to gently communicate with her kids her multiple responsibilities and her time availability specifically for them. She, also, needs to constantly remind herself that: “now I will be working on my long-term investment project (i.e. my kids). Before I know it, my kids will be on their own. Let me enjoy them as much as I can now.” A little positive self-talk can change her attitude and arm her a great deal against mounting frustration. And it’s true, at one point, the house will be empty and she has to deal with another challenge: the “empty nest syndrome” (i.e. kids growing up and leaving the house).

What are the effects on the partner?

A working mother would be really lucky if she had a supportive husband who understands how nourishing it is for his wife to have additional value outside the family context. In this case, the mother is better fulfilled; and this has positive effects on the dynamics between all family members (including her partner). When the mother is having an external job to boost the family income, not all husbands release their wives from all the household duties. The latter remain an obligation she carries on her shoulders; and this when the syndrome intensifies affecting everybody around the house. She would probably need to recruit any other family support to help her cope better. If she was working just to enhance her self-satisfaction (not for the added income) and her husband is not supportive and she feels burned out, she may need to re-assess the nature of her current job and whether she can find less taxing external duties. Whining about her inability to make all ends meet pushes the husband to suggest her quitting the job (especially if she did not need its income). The decision to work or not is, indeed, a tough one when family responsibilities are overwhelming. In both cases, there are costs entailed. Having the added career is physically taxing; not having one, is psychologically costly. It’s about setting priorities – at each stage in one’s life. Opting to balance to the best she can puts the working mother forever on the seesaw to meet her partner’s needs together with all her other duties.

Are there any more recommendations to handle the negative effects?

Most working women are, in fact, more productive than stay home moms. They become skilled at managing their time better. The negative effects, actually, kick in when the mother drifts endlessly in attending to others’ needs without stopping to “refuel”. She is to schedule short fun activities on her own every so often. By involving their husbands more with the kids, a working mother would surely allow herself some time to catch her breath. If that is not possible, she needs to delegate some of her duties to other family members. A “reality check” is much needed continuously whenever a working mother finds her tolerance levels peeking. Let her ask herself these questions:

-          Do I really need that external job? (Is it a priority?)

-          Am I better off shifting to a part-time job? (What are the opportunities out there?)

-          What can I do to make my life easier?

-          Who can support me? And who can I delegate some of my duties to?

-          How can I re-charge my batteries and attend to my bodily needs?

-          How can I give my kids quality time instead of just being there?

Remember working mothers out there: Parenting is one of those most difficult jobs on earth. A job, you can never easily quit. Your kids, however, will grow up and help you with time. They will be proud to have had a mother who had a career while attending to their needs. Perfection is unattainable. Just opt at balancing to the best you can without forgetting your own physical needs.

Are You Getting Prepared?

If you’re reading this, then congratulations! You’re still living  but how are you doing that? Is this is the optimal life you dream of living? Or could you make your life better still? How would you like your next life phase to be like? What would you like to see changed?

I ask a lot of questions, I know, but it is exactly these kinds of questions that help you be a better version of yourself. There’s a difference between being a spectator to your life & actually participating in it fully; and to maximize on life’s experience, one needs to learn from the past, live the present moments, & plan for a better future.

Yes, the ability to plan is a gift we possess within our biological make-up. Getting prepared to achieve our desired goals is integral to succeeding in any endeavor. It would take a long time to reach any destination without a “road map” – that is if you arrive there at all….

So, back to those questions I, usually, ask. Why don’t you take some time to answer the following? After all, it’s your “Mind Gym” time & you need to exercise your mental muscles:

1. What’s – at least – one thing you would like to change in your life? Prioritize…
2. What are the reasons for this change (how will your life be different)? List these down…
3. What do you “need” to make it happen? Get these prepared….
4. What are the baby steps needed to actually make it happen? Plan these in order…
5. Who do you need to support you reach your goal? Arrange to connect with these people…
6. When can you start? Schedule the time to take action on these steps…
7. How can you make sure you commit to making the change? (Tip: read the reasons you listed daily)

Once you answer these questions, your brain already took the bait, Ha Ha!!…. 

You are NOW prepared!! Call it the new “Life Math”…

Road is clear, wear that special mental set, & Blast Off!!

VabooooooM!! 

Your Personal Coach

 Dania

How Are You Feeling?

How are you feeling today? Compare it to yesterday. Better still, compare it to an hour earlier, 2 hours, 3 hours earlier…. Let’s be honest: did you notice how much your feelings generally change? And they sometimes oscillate like a roller coaster…. & then it’s like: “Oh, boy, what a ride!” J

Are you fully aware of your feelings? They are so part of daily living that, sometimes, you don’t give them your full attention. Still, they do affect your reactions to your surrounding circumstances & to people around you. Feelings speak; yell, sometimes…. And “of all existing languages, that which speaks your emotions is most profound…”.

Allow me to remind you of this: one key to your own psychological health is to notice your feelings (especially the more negative ones), label what you’re experiencing, and properly deal with your emotions. This is the exact process used in any area of self-development.

Not noticing your feelings can get you confused; denying your feelings can lead to implosion; suppressing them may lead to ultimate explosion; shoving them under the carpet only makes them creep from way under disguised differently into harmful ways over and over again.

So what are you to do when you notice & identify those negative feelings? Stay with them for just a little while, understand why they emerged, & then change them. And the latter is simple. It’s all about how you interpret what happens to you. Think hard: what could be a more positive evaluation of the situation?

Voila…. Feeling better?? It’s all self-service….  Really…. J Let’s remain sane. Deal?

Your Personal Coach

          Dania

Do You Have A Problem?

So I finally launched my Newsletter, Horrraaaah!!  Only those who subscribe to my website would receive a weekly “Mental Shampoo” to inspire them to reflect on pragmatic life matters. I wanted to call it ‘Mental Shampoo’, but many of my friends preferred the ‘Mind Gym” title better. I thought I might as well include these short insights on my Blog. In my extremely busy schedule these days, I find it hard to squeeze the time to write lengthy articles, but that “author” in me is still so much alive. Here it goes…. the first in the series posted on my blog for documentation purposes   

Do you have a problem? Most of us, unfortunately, do. I haven’t met anyone, yet, who is trouble-free. We’re all struggling with different challenges that vary, also, in magnitude. It’s like part of living life!!

Do you find yourself ruminating over a specific problem? Well, perhaps you do. And perhaps your head got dizzy, already, from going round & round in that vicious circle going nowhere. All you can think of is: “It’s not fair!”, “I can’t tolerate this!”, “this can’t be true”, and the list goes on….

Why don’t you consider this: “The problem isn’t really the problem. The problem is in not considering SOLUTIONS to the problem.”

You can only regain a sense of control once you know & do believe you can do something about your problems. And there’s always something you can do, don’t you now? Let’s switch from a “problem-focused” mode to the more empowering “solution-focused” mode?

And it’s simple: Choose to change the situation, & if you cannot do that, choose to change the way you react about it!!

Come’on…. Let’s get started, uh- huh?!

Believing in your brilliance always,

Your Personal Coach

       Dania

Dania Dbaibo Darwish (Triple Ds) in ACTION. All about what I do...

In my spare time, I created this short video (pictures, clips, & stuff like that) to explain what I do. Dania Dbaibo Darwish ROCKS to the sound of QUEEN :) 

Getting Ready For A job Interview

Getting ready for a job interview can be one of those anxiety provoking situations that we are prone to face at any point in our professional lives. Whether newly graduating, or shifting to a new job, you could make use of some tips to get a favorable impression when you’re at it. You’ll find, below, few requirements that serve every stage of the process.

Allow me to start by posing a simple question: What do you think the first thing the interviewer sees? No, not your face. No, not your attire. They see your CV (i.e. Curriculum Vitae). It’s the first thing that gets their attention. Even if you had little experience, your CV tells a lot about you. Do some good researches on CV design, writing, format, etc… before you complete your own. It can evolve to give a very good impression about your creativity, organization, your social make up and interests. Do include the latter because these enhance your image and potentials. You might need to tailor your CV for the specific job you’re applying for to include more, or less depending on the job requirements.

So you got your CV all ready, sent it, and it was impressive enough to get you that preliminary interview. How do you further prepare?

Home preparations: It may be necessary to revise any pertinent material relevant to the position you’re applying for. Prepare a file of more copies of your CV, application, portfolio, references, and other documents you may need to take a long with you. Learn about the target organization (i.e. their strategy and vision). As you get to know the organization you’re applying for, prepare some smart questions about it and rehearse the answers for common questions about you. Get clear about the location of the interview and how long it would take you to arrive there. Finally, prepare your attire for the interview a day before and get a good night sleep. As prepare, visualize the best scenario of the interview when you’ll be sitting there with confidence replying to all the questions posed in the most composed way. Anxiety is provoked, usually, by imagining the worst case scenario.

On interview premises: In order to arrive there in a good energized state, it helps if you sing an upbeat promising song along your way.  Arrive 10 minutes early and take some time to freshen up (e.g. check yourself in the mirror). It is important to start giving a good impression by greeting the staff when you arrive (they too will be studying your moves). If you’re not sure about the pronunciation of your interviewer’s name, double check it with the secretary. Put your phone on silent. As you wait for your turn, avoid listening to your Ipod, playing mobile games, or talking on the phone. Observe, instead, what’s going on around you. You may have more material to talk about during the interview. Visualize, again, you’re being your best during the interview and how relaxed you will be while speaking.

The first encounter with your interviewer: so you go inside the office and naturally it’s time to greet. Maintain good eye contact as you offer a firm handshake topped with a smile. In a forceful high energy voice, introduce yourself and address your interviewer by their name preceded by their proper title (i.e. Mr., Dr., Ms., ….). Careful in calling a Ms. Mrs..

The interview process: As you sit down getting even readier for the process, scan the office around you. You need to identify something you like about it (to compliment); and other cues that point to common grounds you might have with your interviewer. These can be addressed as you effectively communicate to reflect what a great addition you could be for the position you’re applying for. Don’t hesitate to clarify any question you did not understand; and offer examples of your skills when you’re replying to questions while relating your answers to the organization. Check the review of guidelines for “Effective Communication: Guidelines and Tips” here. These focus in details on several essentials; mainly:

-         -  Proper use of your voice and body language to convey confidence and a relaxed attitude.

-        -   Establish rapport by matching your interviewer’s voice, body language, and words used. This is when you’d want to use the commonalities you found between both of you to get them to like you better.

-          - Maintain eye contact as you speak. It serves establishing a connection and reflects confidence. Don’t let your eyes wander everywhere, stare at your shoes, or get fixated on a wall frame.

-          - Be a good listener during the interview to properly answer their questions (never interrupt them speaking).

-          - Empathize with your interviewer in wanting the best fit to the position; hence, you can offer being a good fit.

-          - Address your interviewer frequently by name (and title). This will seem like flattery to them.

-          - Ask good questions to get them to talk about what they need (this will help you sell yourself better).

-         -  Use positive words to convey any idea you’re addressing.

     Wrapping up the interview: Ask if there is anything you can still do to facilitate their decision. Seal the deal by making sure you understand the next step in the hiring process (i.e. when and from who to expect an answer).

     

     Some additional “Do”s: Make sure you had a shower and brushed your teeth for the interview. Go alone to the interview (i.e. no friend or parent). Sit still in your seat (no fidgeting or slouching). Be honest; be yourself. Treat the interview seriously and have a positive attitude. Implicitly convey you’re determined to get the job. Show what you can do to the company and not vice versa. Stay relaxed and hide any frustration you may have because of the process. Finally, be friendly. You’d want to give the impression that you’re a pleasant person to work with.

      Some “Don’t”s: Don’t chew gum, or smell of smoke. Don’t wear strong cologne either. Don’t make excuses for earlier life or professional choices you made. Act responsible. Don’t criticize previous employer/professors. Don’t treat the interviewer casually as a friend (and this does not conflict with being friendly). Don’t give the impression that you’re only interested in the company’s geographic location. Don’t inquire about the salary or benefits until it’s brought up by interviewer. Don’t try to overly impress (talk about your achievements in context and match these to what they’re looking for). Don’t act desperate for employment (or ready to take anything for that matter). Finally, don’t offer negative information about yourself by bringing up personal, health, or family issues (these are for your doctor, therapist, or life coach).

   

      Post interview action steps: Take notes of critical details you need to remember. Re-evaluate your performance when you’re done. This was yet another experience to learn from in order to improve. Evaluate your interviewer and the organization. Were you treated with respect? If not, you can always file a complaint to a director. Write a thank you note/email (within 24h) re-iterating your interest in the position. Follow up with a phone call or email if you have been waiting too long for a reply.

       Lastly, unless you’re fired up with enthusiasm to give a good professional impression, you won’t be hired with enthusiasm for the profession. Go ROCK’em!!!

All the best…..