CAUTION: this post contains profane language. Reader’s discretion is advised.
Two warnings, already, may suffice to deter you from reading on, right? For Pete’s sake STOP!! This is the third one! It never is my intention to be discouraging; on the contrary. I work hard on maintaining an upbeat state of mind. We can’t, however, deny moments of negative thinking from taking over when the mind is all too foggy.
First, this post will dare share some undisclosed thoughts that many of you hold in your own dark moments. These totally conflict with what I usually preach, but when the going gets tough, doubt overwhelms for a while; and that’s understandable - you’re only human. I know… I know… “there’s always confusion before clarity just as there is always darkness before dawn” (~ Me). I have a complete grasp that life is full of gray areas, but what’s with shades of gray inside other shades of gray; inside yet other shades of gray?
Second, I dislike using profane language, but among the few things I agree with my pal Sigmund Freud (see charming on the right) is that being shocking, and cursing at times, can be healing. I’m not advocating, here, the use of such a communication style; however, and in case you didn’t know, side tracking every now and then can be fun and liberating.
I’m allowing myself, herein, to express some cynicism I heard, a lot of sarcasm, and will be questioning the faith in many adopted positive psychological constructs. These are commonly used as a way out when we are faced with piled up life challenges. Here it goes: some random ramblings in that state of skeptical bizarre mind:
- In the circle of life: It is only common sense that the strong help the weak; the wise tolerate the immature; the healthy aid the sick; the educated put up with the ignorant, and so on…. but what’s it about the insecure casting stones on those who rise above? How are you to handle the frustration of that typical “kill-joy” (“DIPSHIT” in other words) who constantly shakes the living day lights out of you when, on the surface, you appear quite content? You have to be Jesus to tolerate being crucified. Jealousy and envy compound the more visible you are. It should make you feel proud you’re on the right track and that’s comforting, right? Pity them, you decide. “The only thing I will ever allow to bring me down is the elevator” you’d keep reminding yourself. That’s BULLSHIT!!!! Some IDIOTS keep pressing those elevator buttons and with time, their determination succeeds….. Suddenly, they’re in your most inappropriate thoughts!! And in your head, you find yourself beating the SHIT out of them a gazillion times …..
- That much sought after “Love”: Lonely or engaged, hearts are prone to ache alike. I hear mutual grumbles: the single want to have a partner; those who have a partner, are rarely satisfied; they have their eyes on another. HOLY CRAP!! I’m confused here, no wait… maybe I’m not…. SHIT!! Can you make up your mind you people?? Your heart’s function is not only that of pumping your blood. It’s there to experience both the joys and pains of being single or engaged. Pay the price to shift your status. Accept anyone if you’re single and don’t complain. Dump that partner instead of pointing your finger at them all the time…. There are so many privileges in both solitude and company that many fail to perceive. Live with a phantom of your own creation if you wish… Deal with it you FREAKS!! Don’t whine about it, or I’ll beat the CRAP OUT of you!!
- Accept what you can’t change: Yah! And you have that terrifying moment when you dig for energy in your well of “I’m alright” pretense only to find it completely depleted. SHIZNIT is all there is left in that reservoir. Acceptance needs energy. Where the hell do you get that when your resources are dry from excessively dealing with what you cannot FREAKING change?? There’s a limit to how long you can exercise your BLOODY patience, right?….. Nothing is as distressing as a sense of being out of control. Nothing is as painful as being chained with feelings of having “no choice”. Accept…. So they say…. Just another psychological jargon for: admit defeat, submit, surrender, or …. put both feet in your mouth and “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” You’re staying at life’s mercy, alright?….
- Ignore that dirty Politics: The harder you move away from politics, the more you’d find it creeping at you with all the FREAKIN worst news from everywhere. The biggest apparent lies believed by an unprecedented number of puppet fools. Disregard, ignore, and continue living some would say. How can you continue living when mass atrocities are being committed while the whole world watches. Dirty politics is controlling your daily living if you really think about it. How are you supposed to remove yourself from the bigger STUPID ecology? It will certainly find you no matter how deep you dig your head in the ground as an ostrich... Cover your ASS, will yah?? Those MOTHER FUCKERS are right behind you and they can be reaaal swift in getting yah!!
- The beauty of “Aging”: “No, I’m not getting older; just wiser and more mature” – some would comfort themselves. Sure… you can do that when you’re in a good mood … you keep telling yourself “I feel I’m still in my twenties”, but your body responds: “Yeah, don’t you wish?” You’ve got all those daily reminders of your physical depreciation; be it in: body pains that get to your brains, reduced eye-sight, expanding wrinkles, gray hair, sagging skin, slowing metabolism, repeated physical tests to make sure you’re alright (with CRAPPY results you’re not the same), etc… FUCK!! The list is endless with reminders – no arguing about that!!! And then it dawns on you that the best way to feel younger is to hang around with the older dudes… But that too doesn’t work. You get to see those elderly aging faster and then crossing over to the heavens above…. Some your age “kiddos” are being taken early just the same…. And you wonder: “When will I be elected to join the crowds up there?? Exactly how much more fun am I allowed on FUCKIN mother Earth before my time comes?” And then you’d start thinking that if the theory of reincarnation is at all true, you have a second chance of this delightful experience. You’re lucky if you return as a human to satisfy whatever remains unfulfilled in the preceding BULLSHIT life….. or would you rather return as an ASS!!??
- There’s always light at the end of the tunnel: Ever thought that the light source could be burned down with repeated power cuts? Hahahaha!! This is Lebanon you FREAKS!! Some people live in a CLUSTERFUCK of SHIT!! And you challenge them to count their blessings; then it turns out these are just a few. Bad news come in bundles and the balance massively tips to things going in the SHITTY direction. In reality, they have no way out except to keep walking in the dark. And when you’ve been there for too long, you start becoming paranoid thinking any light at the end of the tunnel could be that of a train coming your way. Finally….it will run you down. Any glimpse they see turns out as just another illusion. But, whatever…. Keep clinging to ropes of hope. You’re in the tunnel, alright. It feels safer when you hold on to something – even if it was false faith. Yah, keep thinking MORONS will change, FREAKIN’ circumstances will alter, and that any tunnel is bound to end for sure…. Despair is your only other option…
- The existential questioning: In that existential excursion to finding answers, you always knew you’d find these in books you read, the biography of the “wise”, and in thinking and reflecting…. What the HELL? Are you able to formulate the DAMN right BLOODY questions to start with? The literature is loaded with inconsistencies; even famous quotes are contradictory. Everything happens for a good reason, they say. “I exist to know, to learn from everything that happens, and to leave footprints behind”. HOLY SHIT!! Where the hell are the right reasons when you need them? Come’on…. Give me a good reason for some SHIT-HEAD’s bad intentions. Is there any good in being used, abused, betrayed, or manipulated? Yah, right…. The good reason is that the culprit’s goals were well served (at your BLOODY expense for that matter….). Knowing this can be a big slap on your face. It sends your head rotating clockwise endlessly as if operating on pulse. You feel it as long as you remain alive… Give me a break!! Good reason, they say, come at the right time … “Well I can’t wait; shoot’em on now, or PISS OFF…. My head is still rotating and that’s painful enough….”
- Forgiveness: If you want to be liberated, forgive those who wronged you. Sure!! And they can take advantage of your kind heart again. And you’re supposed to forgive again. You can KISS MY ASS on this one!! Let’s not say you’re holding a grudge; rather remembering the facts about some BITCHASS! For heaven’s sake, there’s a limit to how much you can forgive and be the “bigger” person. Some people surely abuse the privilege. You want to appear big? Get them down on their knees for a while. These MOTHER FUCKERS ought to have an electric shock collar as you hold a remote control ready for their next misdemeanor. When they misbehave, be prepared to electrify them with a buzz of agony. Perhaps that would make those FREAKS learn to stop taking you for granted!
I have a lot more to say GODDAMNIT, but this sort of drama can become endless. This is but a short good bad example of how a chattered negative mind can go….. If your train of thought went anything like this in the past, be proud. It’s part of the human package. Dudes around you can wrongly assume you’re someone exceptionally super and positive if you don’t express these out loud. I did it for you. We can all, at times, become centered on the negative. It’s the radius that matters sunshine!! And I’m certain that only in such moments of getting in touch with your vulnerabilities that you can progress. I know I am a survivor just as you are. And whatever I have expressed above is just part of the process of emotional healing. That’s called “venting”, identifying the frustrations, labeling the emotions (I’ve done that in my mind), and then having a clear plan as to what next you can do about it. Can I safely say: “Gotch yah!!”??
Thanks Sigmund. It does feel good engage in all that swearing. I, also, give thanks to myself for allowing it the experience to toy around some negative thinking from time to time. How else would I be be able to properly feel the suffering of those I help heal and move forward….Yes, life is BLOODY hard, but can you imagine what it would be like if there were no struggles? Complete monotony…. Flat-lining…. The one thing I cannot be sarcastic about is that all these trials are emotional fitness muscle exercises. Hit low, and then bounce back stronger each time….
Continue to cartwheel like wild clowns in life’s stadium you DUDES. Choose to focus on what’s going right. Be determined to work it out as hard as you can with whatever means and resources you possess. Never undermine the power of positive “reframe”. It appears to be the only psychological survival mechanism in hard times. Your only other option, again, is to despair when time and space don’t seem to be on your side ….
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