One of the first things I do with my clients at the
beginning of a “Coaching” contract is to examine their wheel of life (see
picture up there). I consider it an “eye opener” to start the process of
progress. It gives a bird’s eye view of the levels of satisfaction (from 0 to
10; with 10 being most satisfied) on their: Career, finances, health, friends
and family, romance, personal growth, fun and recreation, and their physical
environment. These identify life areas that are not working well and needing change
to live life more fully. Great deficits in fulfillment in any one area can
spill over to the rest; hence, negatively affecting general well-being. We
cannot neglect any one area. Just as a house cannot be built on one pillar, so
is life satisfaction. It’s a whole; and cannot be reliant on only one source.
The concept of work-life balance is common and implicitly
warns people not to get too consumed in having a career at the expense of nourishing
the rest of their life support systems. It is a known fact that most of the
working force spends their entire day on the job. They become so busy making a
living that they forget to live their lives. Even non-working house-wives assume the career
of a “full time mom” or a “full time house-wife” that they sometimes drift in
the mundane neglecting vital life ingredients until they feel a huge void. If
you give it some thought, each of us has multiple roles (especially the
sandwiched generation): the true self, career role, son/daughter, parent,
spouse, friend, community volunteer, etc…. The true self, sometimes, suffers
the most. Every so often, competing and conflicting roles and priorities can be
very difficult to handle. We become defocused and find ourselves thrown off
balance suffering health problems, depression, poor performance, stress,
strain, or complete burn-out.
It’s not so simple to balance it all, but at least we can be
more aware of maximizing the use of our time. Time being the most valuable, yet
limited, asset we have which once used cannot be retrieved. Life can easily slip
us by; and if we’re not alert to how we’re investing our time, by the end of
our path, we may find ourselves filled with regrets. Just imagine you’re at
your “death bed” contemplating your life. What would you be saying? Scary
thought to many, huh? So, how can you best balance before everything hits the
fan?
Here are some few guidelines to face the challenge:
1.
Fill in the wheel of life: Find
out which life areas you’re very dissatisfied with and need your attention most.
What can you improve? What are you willing to improve? (see? there’s a difference
between “can” and “willing”). The first step to any change is awareness. It has
been said that 50% of solving any problem lies in knowing what it is, so get
clear on what’s not working for you. Then, start getting focused on taking
serious gradual steps to implement changes. Things will never get resolved on
their own.
2.
Set SMART Goals: Once you
nail down the opportunities for improvement, set the baby steps to rectify. The
acronym SMART for goals refers to Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic,
and Timed. These ensure rectifying the dissatisfied areas and having a map for
a clearer journey ahead. For instance, if you found that you are not so content
on the area of family and friends perhaps for being over-worked on the job,
specify that you need to “spend more quality time on the weekend with family or
friends”. The way about it may be to arrange for gatherings, or more outings.
Always get specific: “how”, “when”, “with whom”, “number of times”,… and make sure it doesn’t conflict with others’
plans. Gather your SMART goals with the specifics on a sheet of paper and read
it every morning.
3.
Manage your time: Make the
best use of those 86,400 seconds each day. Managing how you spend your time can
be the key to your productivity on all levels. Many claim they don’t have the
time, for instance, to read (i.e. feed their personal growth), or generate more
income (i.e. feed their finances). Well… that’s not very accurate. You can
always make the time for important things. It’s just that you may not have
taken a deep decision to actually commit to doing things of importance. Why
would most people adopt a certain regimen as per their doctor’s advice when
their life is threatened? Suddenly, you find them having extra time, right?
Think hard of that wheel of life. What should you do to become happier?
Incorporate it into your schedule. This is when the SMART goals’ sheet needs
updating to specify “when” to get things done.
4.
Establish healthy rituals: It
can be difficult sometimes to kick off new habits when you find out that these
are needed to feed into better balance. Take exercise for example. To kick it
off as a habit requires a lot of planning and self-discipline in the beginning.
Most research suggests a period of at least 21 days to establish habits. This
is when the neural pathways in the brain become strong enough to make the
behavior automatic. The habit, then, becomes an addiction that you cannot easily
do without. The constellation of healthy routines (e.g. sleeping patterns,
eating right, social media use, responding to emails,..…) eventually provide
structure and make a big difference in your life. Rituals and habits are
automatic acts you don’t spend much mental effort on; thus, allow you to have
more energy to spend on other worthy and effortful tasks. So, what healthy
routines can you plan among your goals now?
5.
Use a journal: Be it for
your personal, or professional life, having a journal to plan your days in line
with your goals will provide the necessary structure, clarity, and commitment.
It facilitates organizing your time and taking the necessary steps to balance
your life. Journaling your “to do list” will enable you to become more
realistic in what you can achieve in one day, throughout the week, or for the
whole month. Avoid writing one “to do list”. The sight of it may be
overwhelmingly scary that many end up procrastinating about it. A dated journal
has the advantage of allocating your targets over a period of time while
ensuring you take care of urgent matters first. Remember to remain flexible as
you proceed throughout the days and shift what you couldn't do on a specific
day to a later time. Your journal will eventually reflect your productivity and
help you keep things on track.
6.
Manage your stress: Keep an
eye on your life stressors and take measures to reduce their effects. After
all, too many stressors can throw you off edge all of a sudden. When faced with
stressful situations, focus on changing either the situation, or your reaction.
Changing the situation means you either alter it (e.g. change your job) or
avoid it (e.g. take a different route while commuting to escape traffic). When
changing the situation is not possible, you can only change the way you feel
about it. You need to stop fretting about what’s bothering you and accept that
it just is (e.g. a negative colleague working in the same office), or adapt to
it (i.e. looking at the big picture of what truly matters). It’s important that
you avoid bottling up any tension by using quick stress-busting techniques
frequently; like: deep breathing, positive self-talk, music, seeking social
support, etc…
These are only the basic steps when your aim is to have a
more balanced life. To really work it out, you have to have a whole hearted
intention to have a new mission. Writing things down and organizing your path
is a pre-requisite to succeed in doing that. Research after research documents
that those who thrive have clear well written goals. You can assess and revise these
as you proceed. Finally, and to add new things into your routines, entails
giving up some other things in place. Why don’t you start off by making a
“don’t do list” to identify your life “time-wasters”? Then, continue to MAKE
the time to do things of greater value to balance it all….
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