So I was conversing the other day with a friend of mine when he said something that lit a bulb in my mind’s eye. He mentioned that he finds everybody the same. He fell in the trap of over-generalization. Without hesitation, I responded that I disagreed. It’s a matter of perspective, I guess. He looks at sameness. I try to find the unique qualities in every person I meet. I don’t suppose people have a lot of commonalities. I mean, physically we share the basics, but what fascinates me about human nature is the unique combination of the varied qualities or traits forming one’s character. That’s what magnetized me to be in the peoples’ business; and aim at partnering with others in their process of self-discovery.
Do you share my belief that YOU are special in YOUR own way? When I hold this attitude as I talk to you, you shine. Come to treating you as yet another ordinary person, that sparkle in your eyes fades :(. Experiment on it and see for your self. Notice the difference in another person’s behavior when you treat him/her on bases of fault-finding or neutrality on one hand, and with affirmation of their best unique qualities on the other hand. The outcomes are amazingly polarized. This happens because we all have a grounded unequivocal conviction that no one can ever match our being that idiosyncratic in so many ways. We could make use of external sincere reminders to support that guiding principle no matter how hard we try not to openly seek it.
So, when I interact with you, you can be confident that I will be exploring the best in you. I will try hard to find those things in you that I would want to imitate. I will make sure to voice out loud the commendable actions you demonstrate. That mind-set requires a lot of training; and it definitely is not easy to take that stance permanently all of a sudden. You can object that you cannot apply this attitude to every one you meet. Abound are those whom you hold a grudge against, or shun to cut the cords of any further possible maltreatment. To that I say, give yourself some time to forgive and forget. Meanwhile, find where they blossom and eulogize it. You’ll find that things can take on a different turn.
You can, also, balk that people might think you’re just sucking in. To that I say, when people find out how genuine you are, and that your attitude is consistent with all those you meet, they will know that with you, they are in safe hands; and that their image you will never break. You are unique in so many positive ways. It’s those positive attributes that I try hard to find in our first encounter. It is those positive attributes that I keep looking for in further exchanges…..
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Beautiful Dania... seen that from you in action and done deeply from the heart, you shine with quite a rare authenticity...
ReplyDeleteUUUUUUU!! thanks for your sweet words Ruba (blush). Indeed, you are one of kind to keep commenting. Most of my friends read these posts; yet, never comment. I then assume no one is reading, but you surely keep me motivated. You were born to be a coach :)
ReplyDeleteHi Dania and Ruba :) I want to comment as well and not to motivate you Dania, because I know you don't need any comments to be motivated :)
ReplyDeleteI want to comment because I find subject you're writing about fascinating. In my work I use a lot approach connected with thinking patterns/thinking styles that people show. One of the thinking styles is for example to be focused on differences and one to be focused on similiarities. I bet your friend was looking for similiarities in his life and that's why for him people were the same. If he was focused on similiarities, it was a complement for people what he said (according to his perspective). If you are focused on differences (if you are) you value things/people/ activities that are different, unique. And from that perspective being the same is not a complement I guess. The most beautiful thing is that we can use both. We have one thing in common, that we are all unique. And I agree it's beautiful!
Very well articulated Alinaaaaaaa!!! Thanks for the addition :)
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way, it does motivate me to receive comments. just affirms or not whether I have a point. I love the sharing process ;)
I understand, because sharing process is what coaches do at work :) I understand and I like comments too, probably because of the same reasons. That comment is especially for YOU to motivate you to write more and more, because I love to read your posts! Have a lovely day!
ReplyDelete:) :) :) :) :)
ReplyDeleteThanks sugar!