Your Attention, Please!

I always looked forward to celebrating my birthday; and just last week I did (Yay!!! I am one year wiser!). What I like most about my birthday anniversary is the sing-song like excessive attention I receive – one that stretches a few more days many times. Family members recall and make the effort. Very dear friends call, send messages, and write on my Facebook wall. It feels so darn good to wear the crown and be in the spotlight. Give it a few days and that attention levels off again, but so what? It surely makes a lot of difference on that exceptional day; even if it was for just one day. Get that sort of attention every day and it will have a counter effect akin to what celebrity figures suffer.

Most of us crave attention; yet, we give and receive it sparingly. Do we have to wait for occasions to provide others with such a positively mood altering doze? Think of those people you love to associate with. Aren’t they the ones who are most attentive to you? Those skilled communicators you admire; aren’t they those who make you feel really engaged? They look you straight in the eyes as you speak and their gaze shoots very deep that you feel the connection touching your very soul (it sometimes gives you the creeps). Among the crowd, they address you by name to relay the message that “you’re not just a number”. You’re gently forced in sync to any point they relate. Compare how you feel then, with what conjures up when someone is only partially involved in your conversation - being too busy with his/her mobile (answering messages or emails) for instance. What a disappointment that would be especially if you were the only two out there.

Almost everything in life responds positively when given sufficient attention (e.g. plants, work/business, pets) especially us, humans. It’s an energizing force that triggers a host of positive emotions; and has a spillover effect in different walks of life. It embeds a lot of meaning: care, respect, responsiveness, love, appreciation, presence, and the like. Get deprived of it, or lose it, and a state of distress precipitates. It may transform into jealousy, anger, de-motivation, sadness, or feelings of ostracism. No wonder we witness people retaliating, siblings engage in rivalry battles, marriages collapsing, employees becoming less productive, and friendships breaking-up. I am not suggesting we overwhelm others with too much attention. That sort of obsession-like focus can lead to similar problematic byproducts.

But is it easy to provide others with our undivided attention all the time? By no means is it that simple. We come equipped with limited attention spans and are easily distracted. But at least we can train ourselves to be fully there in our interactions. Be aware of what others are saying (and even not saying). Many of us filter out all sorts of sensory information – especially listening - as others try to make a point. We engage in mentally preparing our arguments instead. We fail to consider that we have two ears and one mouth for a reason: to listen more than we speak.

What about the targets needing our attention? Can we possibly be fully attentive to all people we know? Again, our mental and time resources are limited. We can’t but be selective and prioritize as to who deserves our attention most. Never mind those with sufficient support. They may be saturated enough to develop a flight reaction. Clearly, people dear to our hearts come first; others who appear to be receiving little attention come second. They do need that extra push. It’s worthwhile to seek them out if you’d like to make a difference. You might just be their catalyst for positive life changes. Your life must have been de-toured by someone else somehow. Wouldn’t you like to leave a fine mark in somebody else’s journey?