Surprise!! Surprise!!

OK, it’s my birthday and this post seems a continuation of the latest one I wrote by mere coincidence, but I don’t believe in chance. It looks like festivity was already in the air. Two days before (what I consider) the big day I sat on my balcony over looking portions of the sea. It is my favorite spot ever; and I was immersed in deep thought about how another year folded. I have this tendency to engage in more prolonged assessments of how things are flowing in my life during such occasions. It’s been a week since I’ve been trying to reboot. I was waiting for Mama to pass by and give me something before I ran to the supermarket to fetch the long list of things we needed for the house.

I couldn’t initiate any major endeavor while I waited, so I further contemplated. I acknowledged myself for having achieved a lot since my last birthday: Maintaining my role as an influential member of my close and extended family, solid footsteps in the path of expanding my career from a psychology instructor to that of a certified life-coach, training in clinical therapy, and along the way, I have read numerous books, made new friends, reconnected with old ones, and maintained the precious ones I have. I did my best to sculpt my own brand. I also encountered few mishaps that were successfully reframed as opportunities. These took the necessary time to process, accept, and are behind me now. I revisited my plans and priorities and was flexible enough in utilizing different strategies to overcoming obstacles. “Letting go” is one powerful lesson I learned during the past year. I couldn’t help but become aware of the fact that I am physically aging (although I feel really young in spirit). At 44, I really have to watch it. Then I stared setting my plan for the coming year. How can I further improve? Goal setting time….

Then the door bell rang, and Mama joined me in my favorite spot. Now my deliberation ended and we started our usual conversation about what she did, how I had been, etc… As my two dear kids came in and out repeatedly to join for few minutes, Mama and I exhausted our usual topics. She then started discussing politics when my Hubby (or Dad as I prefer to call him) came home and sat around with us. He declined my attempt to prepare him his usual dinner. Mama stayed there and I wondered “that’s unlike her? Dah!” She usually gives me my space and knew I had plans to go out fetch my list. I started becoming irritated when both of them decided to move inside watch the news. Great! Just what I need: being bombarded by negativity. I have abandoned that ritual, and would rather remain global when it comes to political knowledge. Out of courtesy to Mama, I didn’t even resort to my laptop to self-entertain while they both listened.

Then again, the door bell rang. I wondered who it could be; we weren’t expecting anyone in the evening. AND… it was the most brilliant surprise ever. My beloved ones started coming in one by one holding balloons, huge cake boxes, gift wraps,…shouting “SURPRISE!!” and singing the happy birthday song. My brother and his family; my mother and sister in law and her family, my cousins and their children….. I was startled and only replied “It’s not today. It’s not today!!” but couldn’t help but burst into laughter and disbelief. Soon, our living room was filled with around 20 happy cheerful faces. I look at each and every one of them and feel so much love. I feel loved. I feel special. I am in the spotlight. That’s nice for a change. It was an awesome surprise. One, I will never forget. I felt so happy; so blessed. I was jumping around with joy; kissing all opening my gifts; expressing my gratitude. Hubby made a lot of effort to coordinate. He went out of his way, as he had to leave on a business trip next day, so two days a head went well and indeed caught me off guard. That trip was meant to be. It gave a reason for an earlier celebration; and resulted in being a surprise in the full sense. It’s my kind of party. Thanks again Dad.

Celebrations make a difference…. In the past, I didn’t mind keeping a low profile about occasions although deep down I always yearned for something special. I guess I lowered my expectations with time since it really was hard to be innovative each year. Once we expect it each time, these things wouldn’t be labeled as “surprises” no more. I’ll settle for a “now and then” such festivity. “But, how am I going to celebrate next year” I asked Dad. I can’t ask for another one. Maybe I should do the planning. I have a tentative idea for now, hehehehe!!! It will be so different……

Celebrate Life: Be Grateful

A couple of days back, I ran across a young boy with no arms. He’s a beggar, I suppose, but one who was busy looking at the sea waves crash on the shore. Shortly after, I noticed a young man sitting on a wheel-chair selling chewing gum boxes. Obviously, it was his way of making a living. Gees!!!…. There must be a message in there for me: Two very unfortunate individuals in a row were enough of a reminder to start reflecting more deeply on how fortunate I am to have my four limbs intact. Not only that, I have much more to be thankful about. Then an overwhelming sense of gratitude struck me! I have a lot to celebrate about every single day!

Why is it that we resort to celebrating only new years eve, birthdays, anniversaries, achievements, graduation, etc….? What does it mean to celebrate? Practically, many would define it a chance to rejoice or acknowledging passage successfully of a mile-stone. The trend is to engage close others with our own feelings of joy. I like it most when the celebration includes a speech by those concerned summarizing their thoughts (past and future that is); however, it is not always the trend. I wonder how many of us actually sit and reflect about what that occasion means, or assess the impact it had and will have on our future. How did we make use of the opportunity to have the experience and what further prospects lie there ahead?

Sometimes, we even let such occasions just pass by without any rejoice at all? Why? When we don’t, it is if we are denying ourselves the right to be happy about yet another landmark. Oh yes! We deserve to celebrate! And yes! Let those we partnered with and love join in the festivity! They deserve our acknowledgement that their support was one of the bases for our thriving. Let all be reminded that we – ourselves – need to commend our efforts. It keeps us going. It is much more potent than doing the positive self-talk in solitude.

I choose to celebrate everyday; not only occasions. I refuse to take the blessings I have for granted. I want to focus on those things I have; not those I still lack. The latter are only incentives requiring actions to fulfill. They are merely prospects for celebration with beloved others. When I go to bed each day, I want to have celebrated yet another day of: having been productive, of having lived with no serious ailment, of being surrounded by loving family and friends, of having a sober mind to do all these reflections, and of having the ability to feel blissful. I can think of many many more to be thankful and celebrate about. Even that young boy was contemplating the beauty of the sea. His eyesight was a blessing. And even the man on the wheel-chair held that chewing gum box with his arms and smiled at passers-by. I don’t want to have to be reminded that I am spared having a handicap. I choose to be grateful to what I have; I choose to celebrate just being….

Stress-Free Life?

I am well in touch with the notion of stress. I believe roughly everyone is. I read a lot of research examining this construct and its relevance to many others: multiple definitions, coping mechanisms, underlying bases for most physical and psychological disorders, etc…. Fascinating topic; and very broad indeed. I was very aware of the detrimental effects it has on ones’ welfare and never claimed knowing it all. Recently, a colleague – Louisa Chan- offered me a chance to participate in a 4 session program to live a “Stress-Free Life in 30 days”. I felt honored to be selected as a participant. The title of the program appealed to me. I lead a life loaded with stressors of all sorts. I do handle most constructively; and attempt to transcend those that persist, but a “stress-free life” is beyond my comprehension! How can it be? It’s like stripping life of its lure.

Being a passionate learner, I enrolled as a participant. Already born a female, I and my kind, become vulnerable by imposed and ongoing societal role expectations. If I could do anything to buffer myself against the incongruence arising, then let it be undertaken. We all assume multiple roles. The challenge is satisfying all ends; yet, remain in control. What is stress, but a perceived inability to cope in face of excessive demands physically or psychologically? Here I am with a conflicting identity: purely me, a career woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a student, a friend, a manager, etc….. and the list goes on. So many labels and each require specific duties, aspirations, and above all TIME. With so many passions to explore new venues, with choosing so many “roads less traveled”, I was constantly being pulled by different forces and in different directions. How can I possibly accommodate myself to all without any stress experience? By definition, I am a living example of stress. It may not manifest fully, as I make use of various defense strategies. Why not learn more, and bridge whatever gaps still loiter?

Over a period of one month, the sessions of the program slowly unfolded with full flexibility, Q/As options, field work, and numerous down-to-earth analogies. Some readings confirmed my knowledge and practices of few de-stress techniques: Deep breathing exercises, muscle relaxation, de-cluttering, pouring out your heart in writing, etc… At the same time, I was on the track of more discoveries. So many new insights: we are by design programmed to float not sink in face of set backs, we are advised to assure ourselves that hard times will be overcome, we need to consciously change the energy of any distress to a driving more productive and healthier force, we are to act by priorities, and so much more…. Further strategies were suggested that despite their simplicity and power, many would fail to utilize.

I looked at my life and noticed a pattern there: high achiever, too many goals, list of endless things to do, aggressive pattern in working, a sense of urgency, etc…. It seemed to me I liked the trend, but these are some features of a Type A personality. Gosh! It is known that these people are more prone to coronary heart disease with excessive stress being an underlying factor. Why the rush (I told myself)? Are these goals worth dying for? Too many roles, too many things to do, too many ambitions, but too little time to fit all. I am always in a race to get things done. I earlier set lengthy deadlines; why not stretch them out further? A reverse in the trend of “over-delivering” is necessitated now before it is too late. Everything I do is feeding into my life experience as a whole. It looked like I had myopia on being over-productive. A take it “slow and easy” approach is a requirement if I willingly immerse myself in multi-tasking, or else stress would kick-in ending with strain and consequently burn-out. But can I do that? Or is it just an endowment I have to live with? Can I regulate this tendency of incessant role clashes? There is no reason why I shouldn’t.

Another enlightening aspect the program dealt with was emotional stress. The concepts of “seeking closure” in unresolved relationships and “feeling complete” were not utterly new to me. I’ve always read about the debilitating effects of physical and psychological traumas and how to handle these. It is only when the trauma is processed, its pain closely felt and accepted, and the notion of “forgive and forget” is adopted that the victim is able to transcend the trauma. In the process of growing and maturing, I have had my share of disappointments with people I considered so dear. Mini-traumas, as such, most likely surface for all of us. Emotional stress precipitates when, for example, we are let down, get frustrated, turn our anger inward or outward, and then move on. If our setback took place with someone really close, seeking completion entails confrontation and clarification of standards; then finishing up with setting boundaries and turning a new page. It is one wide spread strategy people use in varying intensities and degrees.

Sometimes, however, the hurt would be either too out of proportion for any reconciliation, or it could be that we are in no position to wage a battle for other considerations. It is in these cases that emotional distress lingers on, so what do we do in such cases I asked? Louisa answered by an ingenious technique. Write about it and describe all your feelings. Express your grudge, maltreatment, or injustice. Pour it all out on a piece of paper, think it over, get in touch with how it makes you feel, then decide to let go. Tell yourself: I’m not going to let that bug me no more, it’s gone, finished, then set your letter on fire. Watch that episode rage in flame then dwindle in enormity to become only ashes. Believe firmly that the magnitude of this event will diminish in your psyche; and it will. That is closure of all the negative feelings you carried. Visualizing the process happen and believing it will just be gone have potent effects on making it resolve. The power of visualization and that of belief have been demonstrated over again to be powerful sources for accomplishments. Let’s make use of these then to de-stress.

Stress-free life in just thirty days? Nothing is impossible and everything has an antidote. Louisa’s voice still echoes: by design, we are resilient. Keep an eye open to our attempts to resist too much. Strategies to de-stress on all levels are out there. It is entirely up to us to discover what works for us and what doesn’t. Never mind how many trials it would take to make it happen. To me, first, come awareness, assessment and a conscious decision. Second, follow sincere attempts and commitment. Lastly, results show us if we are on the right track. Any outcome we do not aspire is only feedback that something ought to be revised. This is a process only those determined utilize in all their ventures. It does not only pertain to alleviating the stress experience per se….

Thriving; Not Just Surviving

Let me tell you an incident that led to writing this post. I came across a comment by an “Anonymous” on my previous Blog post (Pain is Inevitable; Suffering is Optional). Since I was just reading (no other clues like tone of voice, or body language to convey additional information), it just occurred to me that “Anonymous” was being sarcastic: posing questions and challenging me to expand on a topic I consider sensitive to many. I published the comment anyway without feeling threatened. It was my choice to expand on my personal experiences and I refused to expose a lot about me (at that time). “Anonymous” responded again clarifying and ensuring me (without offense) that my style was appreciated, but people needed to hear about my own personal stuff to enhance my credibility.

Hmmmm! It made me think. It makes sense. I don’t have to reveal everything (some things are better left unsaid). I can be selective and transform my writing from just preaching to having it more grounded in experience. What I was doing was addressing the bigger picture. I can certainly spice things up by inserting more personal issues. It probably was a misconception to remain as mysterious or as objective as I was. I love it when my mentors provide me with anecdotes about their own unique life. I try to do the same with my students as we discuss down-to-earth psychological concepts. Why not do the same here on my Blog (although I’m just trying to jot down my thoughts; not trying to be a mentor to anyone yet)?

This brings me to the thought of “Thriving; not just Surviving”. I didn’t let that comment just reside in my “inbox” to be deleted later on without thought. Had I done that, it would ensure mere status quo and sheer survival. I thought more about the purposes it could serve. What can I learn from this?” Ok, I can deduce many downbeat scenarios (sarcasm, envy, immaturity, etc…), or I can search for opportunities to thrive (improve, seek a new root, attempt to modify, etc…). Let me try this new recommended strategy. There must be some truth in it somehow.
What have I to lose? If it does not work, I can always shift back to a newer strategy, or return to my former style. I will be undergoing constant metamorphosis - which I love. It is one of the most remarkable phenomena ever. It is a transition from surviving to thriving. It is flexibility that yields outstanding outcomes.

That was a personal experience! How’s that “Anonymous”? Ok, can’t do without some “preaching” time :) (it takes awhile to conclude metamorphosis): Learning is an essential component of our lives. Some of us are content with simple adaptation, and with pure physical and psychological survival. There is a difference, however, between remaining in a “comfort zone” and seeking constant upgrades. Small incidents abound in our daily lives. These can sometimes pass without our full awareness to the embedded message each carries. Even minute encounters can educate us in powerful ways if only we are fully present. Unless one has reached his/her full potentials and is known to have reached perfection, there is no need to seek further learning opportunities. Up to my knowledge, and to date, no such individual exists….

Pain is Inevitable; Suffering is Optional

We have a consuming passion to have things our own way since infancy. Real life, however, is full of uncertainties. We are faced with unexpected events that could be either pleasant, or horrid. Nice surprises or lucky encounters make us love life, energize us, and brighten up our frame of mind. At other times, things go astray: Dreams collapse, loved ones die, failure strikes, or we get betrayed. All sorts of negative feelings spiral us downward to the experience of inevitable pain.

As humans, we are honored to have such distinct emotions: honored, as these lift us beyond the physical experience shared by other species. We welcome with grace positive feelings and take these for granted as the proper state of affairs. When pain strikes us, we indulge in self-blame, or blame the whole course of being. We forget that pain is an essential component of our growth journey. It’s a powerful educator of the truth that nothing is absolutely within our control. We can never be totally in charge of our surrounding no matter how hard we try. What we can control, though, is our emotional reactions to what life brings us.

So, instead of despairing in face of setbacks, we have a choice between ruminating over our helplessness or empowering ourselves with added knowledge about reality: We are only masters of ourselves. Our choices pertain to our handling our own responses. We are what we choose to be: happy or hurt; filled with gratitude or denial; passionate learners or mediocre passives. When we sober up and look back at our past sufferings, we often come to realize that we unnecessarily let it dominate us for a lengthier time than needed. Life goes on with all its ebbs and flows. The cycle persists. We cannot totally eliminate the pain experience, but we surely can shorten our suffering. In the end, all it takes is serious attempts at remaining open to considering healthier possibilities........

Why Be "Praise" Misers?

I heard someone say “Always praise in public and punish in private”. Very wise, indeed. How do our caregivers start teaching us right from wrong? They engage in punishing our bad behavior and (supposedly) praising our good efforts. Very intuitive, right? Sadly, the trend for praising slows down as we grow into adulthood. Very few are those parents who continue to commend their children’s’ efforts with time. Others are saluted for being alert not to embarrass their children in front of others upon misbehavior. They save the reprimand to a side-talk. Great! But they become blind unintentionally, sometimes, to the necessity of maintaining a sense of self-worth in their children. They don’t pause to counter-balance the negativity with what a child needs most: some acknowledgement for being good in other aspects.

Children are not the only targets of punishment or reprimand. It hurts even more when we become adults. We all make mistakes; and it’s already harsh enough to know that we are far from being perfect. But we learn from our mistakes (hopefully); and we don’t need someone else to keep bringing it to our attention in a domineering way. And if there is, indeed, room to effect positive change, there are rules for reprimand to work.

I admire those who are clever enough to properly frame a reprimand. Usually, those are more sincere in caring for the other and “saving his/her face”. They give some praise or compliment about the other person’s good intentions, unique personality, or another job well done. They, then, gently highlight the improper behavior, action, or strategy. Then suggest an alternative better mode to replace it. Even better, still, and after giving praise, is asking the other person whether that behavior is, indeed, the best there is in that given situation; and whether a better alternative exists. Very few are aware of how powerful framing reprimand in a positive sense is to move one forward.

In the heat of the moment, many loose sight of considering the good in others. We sometimes fail to see the bigger picture. But it is a learned skill. It can be utilized in dealing with both adults and children; with employees and employers; among spouses and friend. Praise – even for no specific incident- builds ones’ self esteem. It raises awareness that one is still appreciated despite any flows. It motivates one to believe in his/her ability to be a better person; not give up; and conclude being worthless. It is an attractive way to communicate with others.

I know people and employers who would refrain from paying tribute or compliments to others under any circumstance. When I ask why so, one mentioned that it’s his way of making the other person work harder and keep trying. In reality, this category would be so apprehensive to let others know how good they really are. They would be anxious of letting others be so confident or become conceited with time. All they could pinpoint is flaws of character, or faults in dealing or actions. What happens is it only leads others to stop trying. Why would they persevere if recognition is never granted? Unless they are intrinsically motivated to maintain high standards, the external motivation is just not there. Any interest to further prove one self wanes with time.

Unfortunately, “praise” misers are abundant everywhere we go. In every day life, few nice words do a great deal in alleviating a distressed soul. Praise and acknowledgement normally give reassurance of ones' being; and supports undertaken efforts. Why restrict it to a behavior, or any other specific occasion? Why is it that we use acknowledgement sparingly when its effects are like music to the ears. It stimulates the heart to love life, the self, and the other person. It does not cost much. When made a habit, it reflects self-confidence, transcendence to a higher emotional level, and wisdom. Why then remain misers in spreading positive vibes around?

From Seriousness & Sadness to Humor & Joy

Don’t you envy those people who always have a cheerful attitude towards life? I, myself, love people with a sense of humor. They attract me like magnet. They make me seek their company more often. Nothing seems to be a big deal even the most serious goals they work on. They derive joy in every little thing they do. They feed humor into all their actions. Life to them just seems as a long funny comedy episode. They are the 'happy go lucky type'.

I commend their approach to life. I once heard a quote that said: “Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway”. Very true, I believe. No matter how hard we try, in the end, we all share the same destiny. What makes us different is that some of us choose to focus on enjoying the ride while going to any destination. While others, fuss and complain at even the most trivial matters. A flat tire along the way, for instance. Big deal! Just have it fixed and move forward. Ultimately you’ll be there, only having made use of a more durable new tire supporting your journey. Even if matters go out of hand for a while; what would it serve us to get all mad about change of plans? Aren’t we better off with some unpredictability?

It’s all about holding the right attitude towards everything. Go out there and make your day a happy one. It’s all in your hands. A smile is contagious; so is laughter (even if no reasons exist). Derive joy in even the simplest things you do. You can always find some if you just reflect a bit about where it lies. It’s sad that we, as humans, are so special intellectually from other beings, yet, we are stuck with taking cognitive shortcuts; so habituated to not fully appreciating each moment we live.

Let’s shift our serious perspective about things. Notice the difference in your facial expressions when you do that. I am not saying that you are to negate your feelings when things go wrong. We can never be happy in times of loss; be it of people we love, or failures. Nor can we derive joy in such circumstances. It’s just that maybe it is better idea to take only some short time to grief that loss and not let it extend on and on. Process it for a while; and then look for the meaning of that experience and the lesson learned. There are hidden joys everywhere. I’ve seen people’s lives get transformed after loosing someone dear. They become full of gratitude for other things they still have.

So, whenever you feel that you haven’t smiled or felt happy during your day, start doing something about it. Instead of being so serious while going to work, running in errands, or actually doing your work, think happy. Wipe off that serious look and those sad thoughts. It won’t take long before we eternally become expressionless. Even if you’re not happy, just thinking happy thoughts will transform your mood. You are what you think. Does it take a genius then to conclude that we choose to make our lives full of delight or misery?

Respond in Kindness

There are two contradictory principles regarding retribution to being wronged. One would suggest that “if you’re slapped on the right cheek, turn the other cheek”. It encourages neither retaliation, nor vengeance. The other suggests fighting back: “an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth”. Over the years, I found myself abiding by the first principle for several reasons:

1. I must agree with Mahatma Ghandi, who said: "An eye for an eye, and soon the whole world is blind".
2. It serves us better than living with regrets.
3. It requires demonstrating self-control, maturity, and power to refrain from reacting in kind.
4. It gives one a feeling of being the bigger person.
5. It would feel the right choice even if one was distressed for a while.
6. It just might humble the other person and awaken the dormant good essence within.
7. I wouldn't want to prove that I could be as mean if I wanted to. I choose not to norish that part of me.

And, why not? Who am I to teach others a lesson? We are all given several chances for repenting. We will all face circumstances that leave us more enlightened. Perhaps “turning the other cheek” becomes one of those conditions. Perhaps, as well, it is just the right response to a God-sent test examining our strength of character.

Feedback or Criticism?

When we interact with others, we are prone to give or receive judgments of various types. Sometimes judgments received may be positive. They either boost our self confidence, or verify that we are on the right track in our behavior or attitude. And don’t these just sound like music to the heart and ears? At other times, judgments by others may be negatively perceived. They might irritate us either because they are not true; thus, put us on the defensive, or because they strip away our having some positive self image. Wouldn’t we all need less to hear of these?

In some instances, we may have to deal with someone who keeps criticizing our actions, beliefs, or attitudes. For no apparent reason, and despite all our efforts to reflect a positive standing, we find ourselves being showered with negativity. As a result, we find ourselves taking precautions to shun meeting that person. “Why would I willingly put myself under attack?” one might rationalize. “I’d rather be with those who make me feel good about myself”, one would reason, right? Being criticized on one incident is enough to make us doubt ourselves, so why do we have to tolerate continuous negative evaluations?

Scientific research supports the idea that those who engage in criticism have, in fact, low self-esteem that they try to uplift by degrading others. Rest assured then, that once it’s the case, you are not at fault. Try to understand the insecurity that person is projecting; and smile back. Attempt to find good qualities s/he holds and give in return only praise about these assets. You just may succeed in giving him/her the reassurance needed.

Now, imagine that you caught yourself criticizing someone else. You might ask yourself: “Why am I doing this? What purposes would it serve?” You might have all the good intentions in the world that all you are doing is providing feedback. Perhaps your aim is directed on improving certain aspects or casting some light on a different perspective. You might have a genuine care, but it would look as if you were superior, or merely degrading the other person. Some would assume they have the right to give such feedback being the other person’s boss, parent, or have any other hierarchical role. Even then, one should be aware that there’s a fine line between criticism and effective feedback.

Feedback has a different lure. It is put in positive terms. It is more humble and is phrased in terms of other possibilities. Unless you want to maintain your own belief that you know better, ask permission to give your feedback. Start up with a positive note on aspects to be discussed, then, highlight your opinion in a question form. Effective feedback provides alternatives and possibilities; Criticism locks one in a doubt loop. Feedback induces the receiver to ponder about ways to fine-tune; Criticism prompts one to shut-down and ruminate about shortcomings.

So next time you have the urge to give your own evaluation, aren’t you better off making sure it is not threatening to the other’s positive sense of self. Why not wrap your tone of voice with all sorts of sensitive considerations? I bet it would guarantee both an open heart and all ears to your message. Says who you know better? Even if your role dictates more knowledge, why not make it a two way communication process by listening to what is said in return? It could just be that you are the one who needs feedback….

What is it about Coaching that makes it an addition to your life journey?

Many people are still unaware of what coaching is? What does a coach actually do? Why would coaching add to your life journey? Or if it was indeed a necessary tool? Before enrolling with the International Coach Academy, I posed these questions and many more. I had this passion to assist my friends and my students to get better than just satisfactory results in whatever endeavor they handled: their life in general, their interpersonal relationships, their professional lives, or their academic achievements. In many instances, my free services were not taken seriously and even resisted. It didn’t take long before I realized that to be effective, coaching has to be sought, not enforced. This, then, becomes a pre-requisite to actually benefiting from the coach’s service, but

What is coaching?
Coaching is about having a partnership with another person whose aim is to support you discover priorities that would make your life more meaningful, enjoyable, and fulfilled. Once you are able to pinpoint these, your relationship with a coach will help you devise a plan with concrete objectives to achieve within a set time frame. During the process, your coach plays the role of your: mind-assistant, devil’s advocate, cheerleader, and your backup support. We all have our moments of doubt in ourselves. In such instances, you will find that your coach will never be a skeptic in your potential, beliefs, or uniqueness. The coaching relationship helps you be your authentic self, create your own plans and solutions, and pursue your goals. We all need to see things from a different perspective no matter how sure we are of our own. We all need to share our aspirations, fears, accomplishments, and dreams with someone who has only our best interest. This is exactly what you’ll have in a coaching relationship.



Why not be self-reliant, resort to close friends, partner, parents, siblings, or other people we can trust?
You are better of having a coach because you need someone who is an expert at listening, someone who has only your best interest as a topic of focus, someone who can speed up your actions towards change. No matter how ingrained your belief is about yourself, a coach will help you identify any limiting beliefs. No matter how powerful your circumstances are, a coach empowers you to surpass any constraining factor. A coach is just trained to see things from many different angles; and this is why you can’t always be self-reliant. Your friends, partner, parents, or siblings have a tendency to see you in a role that serves your mutual relationships. They might not delve deeply into what really matters to you, or have the time to monitor whether you are taking action to progress towards your goals. This is the coach’s role not theirs. Being an outsider, a coach has the ability to see you thrive in different and multiple roles. Finally, you need not worry about opening up too much to a “stranger”. All coaches abide by the “Code of Ethics” set by the International Coaching Federation. Confidentiality is assured during the coaching process. It would be just like talking to your self on a clear shiny mirror….

When is coaching needed?
Any time during your life journey a coach is needed especially in times of transition, loss, change, confusion, or emptiness. Difficult times can be surmounted with the help of a coach, so do fast-pace times. An objective input is always an asset at any point in our lives.